After a long night I begged my Mum and my husband to get some rest as he would be going back to Sydney in the morning and needed to be rested for our eldest daughter, so they headed home and I slept.
The next day arriving at the NICU unit and seeing my baby attached to what seemed like hundreds of tubes my heart just ached.
I was sore and broken inside. I could not hold my baby. Could not touch her from fear of infection. She was so tiny she needed to gain her strength and being held makes these tiny babies tired. 15 days passed before I could even have my first cuddle with our miracle! A whole 15 days, in a Mum's life that feels like eternity. But FINALLY I was allowed to take her out for skin on skin cuddle (kangaroo care we call it in Australia) most amazing cuddle I've ever had.
Each day got longer and my baby was getting stronger, defying odds and getting rid of those tubes so fast. From only 10 days old she only had a feeding tube in. Her blood sugar was stable and all her brain scans and tests coming back with the all clear.
Everyday saying goodbye and leaving her for the night I would often wonder “is she okay” “is she lonely” I felt nervous and anxious of leaving my new baby and going home without her day after day after day.
The strangest things happen in NICU the bonds you form with other families, the Doctors and amazing nurses is wonderful. All these people are going through the exact same thing as you and it's an unspoken bond, a look that says “I get it, be strong you can do this” it's a comfort in such a dark time. A feeling as I can only describe is God's way of saying “it's okay I got you everything is going to be okay”. You find strength you didn't know you had. Ambition you never knew you could feel. Support and love you never thought you deserved.
After 4 hospitals and 56 days later our still tiny (4 pound) warrior got to come home. At last we were a family of 4! Home together at last!
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| Baby Serena. 1 y/o |
- 5:00:00 a.m.
- 0 Comments
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